change in the pocket of my jeans
��������� �����the summer, a strange new feeling. independence. notsummer. rain slicks the pavement. groceries accumulate, the lights are dim in this room. i'm only on half of it. roommate has not shown up yet - we'll see, i guess, if he does. people are around, i guess, but there's still that feeling of needing to find a job and running ...i woke up this morning at noon and immediately did some calisthenics. felt good. i want to visit the gym soon. a new sense of reinvention, i guess. sort of. my computer is situated right next to the window, and the fridge next to that. bed behind. blinds on the window. cold leaks in from everywhere, less-than-fifty degrees all day today. god knows when it will get warm. i'm waiting for that, because right now we are steeped in chill & cold. i slept last night so well - since moving took all the energy from me. many fridges, computers, TVs, errata. i moved quickly and efficiently with the help of my station wagon and asa, jason's new roommate. i like this dorm, a whole hell of a lot. i'm not sure why. just .. i like it. it feels like college should, i guess.
ben folds, the luckiest. [i don't get many things right the first time, in fact, i am told that a lot] but no depression here. just restricting financial issues. i need/want a job, now. i'm going to apply somewhere, soon. this room is so damn comfortable. privacy, something i didn't ... really have with jason. for right now, anyway. i don't know if travis is going to move in. even if he does, i doubt i'll mind much. this room is longer than it is wide, and i am on the far end of the room. the keys clicking make odd echoing noises in the fastness of this room. i enjoy it, somewhat.
a weird notsummer. almost winterish. the desk lamp turned on and tilted up to flood the room with light. the dali print on the wall above my monitor. a sense of ... calm. [i am / i am / i am / the luckiest] and so it goes. no classes, no homework. a cell phone. books piled, half-open boxes. a guitar, a basketball, a tennis ball. leather jacket draped over the chair. the big red tapestry hanging on the wall parallel to my bed - a giant celtic cross pointed toward the window. everything feels on its side.
i don't think i could live this way alone for a very long time. without doing anything. i am going to become more fit this summer. my goal is to be healthy. my goal is to be efficient and productive. eyes-on-the-goal as it were.
odd not to have a roommate. jason's humming, singing, snoring, breathing - they'd all become part of a background symphony - the 423 robie symphony, and the odd shape of the room. used to things.
but in all things, i'd desired change.
and so.