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a grey knive lurking on the corner of the bathroom counter, incongruously balanced on the edge - just about to fall - the light of day leaked into the room like dish detergent being squeezed gently out of a bottle, and over in the corner, rats rustled in a paper bag. he walked into the room to the sound of the ceiling fan slowly misunderstood. his left sneaker squeaked slightly. paper in his pocket crumpled up and a blue crayon behind one ear. a muddy cigarette in one hand and no lighter. his eyes are silently stained-glass windows inside a church with no congregation, waiting for the hollow bellpulls - the doorbell of the Almighty. he takes out a sharpie and marks an x on the wall. moments later a fly buzzes fatly in and lands on the                                             spot, preening and humming to itself. below, at the baseboard, an ant trundles in. he looks at the mirror. he looks away. outside, a bird hits the window, and all things still, in hushed                                          mourning. an ignorant cricket looses a selfish mating call and
2003-11-15, 12:19 p.m.

negating ouroboros

               a lot going on recently.

my to-do list looks more like the list of people that sacked rome. full of growling & discontent. however, the soundtrack to these harried days remains the calm patina of gary jules. my datebook constantly sits out, opened to today, reminding me sternly that

a) i must be off-book by sunday, incidentally, the first rehearsal. so i'll try my best, but -- haha.

b) my directing scene is coming up much faster than i'd like to admit.

c) the same goes for romeo + juliet rehearsals. and the two papers still due in drama lit.

-- etc. in other words. the days have been turning slowly more hostile. winter, without snow. from outside this room, i can see the bare ends of trees shaking wildly in the wind. it helps that the school is on a hill.

for those of you who read this continually: i'm not so much "switching" over, but i have set up a new journal at livejournal.com : radiotower. their style of entry is quicker, and i am much more able to handle that in the coming weeks, due to extreme -- busy.

since work is all that's on my mind, that's all i tend to write about - and i do realise that's not very interesting. other than that -

a prodigious lack of anything. feelings that correspond to various john mayer songs. i'm so tired of being alone / so hurry up and get here - and i'm not sure if that's laziness on my part, or if it's general malaise with the romantic situation. there's a couple of girls here & there. interest flares, dies out, flares again - i feel like a little kid playing with a lighter. plans continue to spin idly, for next semester as well as into the summer. trying to figure out how to exist up here again like i did last summer - in a better way, minus all the -- well. yeah.

i'd love to find an apartment in portland. i think this will be my final year living on campus, unless i end up in phillipi, maybe, next year. dormlife is becoming exhausting. i'd like to be in a city, to be able to stick myself into shifting tendencies of humanity not trapped into a small petri-dish (or terrarium, thank you, dar williams) where things are more -

ripe.

inspiration from the vine. could we go downtown - to the middle of the world? you were always such a pretty girl .. and you told me i was beautiful ..

and still chugging along on the first act of my full-length play, which means the whole nanowrimo thing kind of imploded. i had a feeling it would.

looking forward more to days now than nights. a strange reversal. happy in being occupied. thoughts are not able to become ouroboros and bite themselves in the ass.

more later.

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ŠSEH