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a grey knive lurking on the corner of the bathroom counter, incongruously balanced on the edge - just about to fall - the light of day leaked into the room like dish detergent being squeezed gently out of a bottle, and over in the corner, rats rustled in a paper bag. he walked into the room to the sound of the ceiling fan slowly misunderstood. his left sneaker squeaked slightly. paper in his pocket crumpled up and a blue crayon behind one ear. a muddy cigarette in one hand and no lighter. his eyes are silently stained-glass windows inside a church with no congregation, waiting for the hollow bellpulls - the doorbell of the Almighty. he takes out a sharpie and marks an x on the wall. moments later a fly buzzes fatly in and lands on the ��������������������������������������������spot, preening and humming to itself. below, at the baseboard, an ant trundles in. he looks at the mirror. he looks away. outside, a bird hits the window, and all things still, in hushed������������������������������������������mourning. an ignorant cricket looses a selfish mating call and
2003-11-15, 12:19 p.m.

negating ouroboros

��������� �����a lot going on recently.

my to-do list looks more like the list of people that sacked rome. full of growling & discontent. however, the soundtrack to these harried days remains the calm patina of gary jules. my datebook constantly sits out, opened to today, reminding me sternly that

a) i must be off-book by sunday, incidentally, the first rehearsal. so i'll try my best, but -- haha.

b) my directing scene is coming up much faster than i'd like to admit.

c) the same goes for romeo + juliet rehearsals. and the two papers still due in drama lit.

-- etc. in other words. the days have been turning slowly more hostile. winter, without snow. from outside this room, i can see the bare ends of trees shaking wildly in the wind. it helps that the school is on a hill.

for those of you who read this continually: i'm not so much "switching" over, but i have set up a new journal at livejournal.com : radiotower. their style of entry is quicker, and i am much more able to handle that in the coming weeks, due to extreme -- busy.

since work is all that's on my mind, that's all i tend to write about - and i do realise that's not very interesting. other than that -

a prodigious lack of anything. feelings that correspond to various john mayer songs. i'm so tired of being alone / so hurry up and get here - and i'm not sure if that's laziness on my part, or if it's general malaise with the romantic situation. there's a couple of girls here & there. interest flares, dies out, flares again - i feel like a little kid playing with a lighter. plans continue to spin idly, for next semester as well as into the summer. trying to figure out how to exist up here again like i did last summer - in a better way, minus all the -- well. yeah.

i'd love to find an apartment in portland. i think this will be my final year living on campus, unless i end up in phillipi, maybe, next year. dormlife is becoming exhausting. i'd like to be in a city, to be able to stick myself into shifting tendencies of humanity not trapped into a small petri-dish (or terrarium, thank you, dar williams) where things are more -

ripe.

inspiration from the vine. could we go downtown - to the middle of the world? you were always such a pretty girl .. and you told me i was beautiful ..

and still chugging along on the first act of my full-length play, which means the whole nanowrimo thing kind of imploded. i had a feeling it would.

looking forward more to days now than nights. a strange reversal. happy in being occupied. thoughts are not able to become ouroboros and bite themselves in the ass.

more later.

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�SEH