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/ november is a month of ghosts

a grey knive lurking on the corner of the bathroom counter, incongruously balanced on the edge - just about to fall - the light of day leaked into the room like dish detergent being squeezed gently out of a bottle, and over in the corner, rats rustled in a paper bag. he walked into the room to the sound of the ceiling fan slowly misunderstood. his left sneaker squeaked slightly. paper in his pocket crumpled up and a blue crayon behind one ear. a muddy cigarette in one hand and no lighter. his eyes are silently stained-glass windows inside a church with no congregation, waiting for the hollow bellpulls - the doorbell of the Almighty. he takes out a sharpie and marks an x on the wall. moments later a fly buzzes fatly in and lands on the ��������������������������������������������spot, preening and humming to itself. below, at the baseboard, an ant trundles in. he looks at the mirror. he looks away. outside, a bird hits the window, and all things still, in hushed������������������������������������������mourning. an ignorant cricket looses a selfish mating call and

2003-05-03, 2:01 a.m.

a mild claustrophobia

��������� �����tonight. x2 with corey michaela ben kristin mea and laura (michaela's roommate.)

in saco, driven by the incorrigble ben wake (who loves to be described as such.)

watching the movie. catching the jealous look in pyro's eye as he stares over at the iceman. stupid fool that i am, comparing the idiocy to my own life. i have class in six hours, am dead tired. hopefully i will make it to class on time.

'going for a walk to clear my mind,' jason says as he leaves the room with casey. good to know you can do that, jason. i'm for some reason not sure why i'm irritated like that tonight. this summer i will be living with someone named travis bellmere. it will be an interesting 115 days. the music is hard and fast-paced tonight. i worry that if i go to sleep now i will not wake up in time for class.

a show "that's so raven" on the disney channel. the cast looks entirely ethnic save for one white girl. the token white girl. which amuses me. oh how we end up inverted.

john coltrane tonight. blue train. earlier today i was driving home from a solitary excursion to the mall and jasonmraz came on the radio. "the remedy" - i yelled the lyrics as loud as i could, pulled all windows down. cranked it. all night long fun in the company of others. "i'm pyro!" which i am. full of fire.

it rained mostly today. the coarse gray skies, the flat and stern composure of the earth. walking to lunch, a spare bolt of lightning, a roll of jocund thunder - it was like an arthouse film, people ambling all slowly around, flash the light, they all begin moving in quickmotion.

i think i remember continuing at the same pace. tonight, feeling horrible. but smiling on the out. x'ing. being X'ed by myself. will read. and sideslip into sleep. lips generally parted to allow the other breaths of the world passage into my lungs.

last night i dreamed of playing soccer alone in a high-grassed field, green and haze. decked out in full soccer gear. at the edge of the field a small girl in a yellow dress was skipping and picking old dandelions.

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�SEH