drivel about stupid people.
��������� �����tonight, a sort of freedom with jake in the blackbox, as we rendered it gray, for macbeth. at roughly eleven, armed with ripped jeans and rollers, we attacked the wooden platforms and the walls and the floor, until the paint was thin and my breath came in shorter, staccato intervals. stippled spots of gray and white litter my hands, and i like the release it gives me, the odd smile and grin. in the background, a found Drifters cd, and so we're painting to songs like "dance with me" and "this magic moment". i had forgotten that the drifters sang those songs.things - progress. i went out to bull moose music with michaela today, on a whim, skipping out of workshop. she bought the five-disc set of django reinhardt (a name which i love to say. djaaaaango) and not to mention three movies. i bought x-men. i'm still not sure why. i think it was the lure of the silver cover. the shiny. then we went to pad thai, in scarborough. pad kee mao was my choice. basil leaves. chicken and noodles. and oh god the spicy. i love the burning feeling it leaves in my mouth and the slightly flushed, accelerated heartbeat that i'm left with. it's like kissing someone for the first time.
NOT THAT I WOULD KNOW.
peter mentioned a night or so ago how i was getting more action than he was. and i don't remember if i was shocked or not. i think i was drunk. possibly stoned. i wonder if alcoholism is like wandering in a desert, and your tongue just dries itself out, and you feel the sudden need for liquor. until the suffering just becomes intensified, and the darkness encroaches at the corner of your eyes - and then to push it away, you drink.
or something? i've never been an alcoholic. let alone indulged in many vices. kira once told me i should cultivate vices. i don't drink coffee, i don't smoke (often), i don't have sex, and i don't (often) capitulate to the inner monologue that whispers like vines in my ear: "make them suffer .. make the idiots suffer .. "
it says something, it really says something that i feel this intolerable need to mete this weird justice on people that i find socially less redeemable than others. if i had my way, (or melantha's) all the stupid people would be sent to an island, sterilised (so they can't breed) and left there to die.
but then, that's subjective.
more on this later, when i'm not so blocked. apologies for the ridiculously bad entries lately.