even my heartbeat is smiling between beats
��������� �����what a manic day. (there is a new layout, you love it, LEAVE NOTES.)ups and downs like the audio track on the songs we ended up editing tonight, becoming in our own right a veritable audio-editing studio. - with the advent of my microphone, in a box i'd previously forgotten about, and the aid of chloe (corey's SexyMac), and mia's song,
we made a very decently pieced-together mp3 of her latest song, "leave me" or something to that effect. i don't know if she's titled it yet. around midnight, she left, mostly ecstatic, and the two of us humming her lyrics and shouting wildly at the top of our lungs at how fucking COOL the audio editing was. thoughts raced across the room, pinging off the walls with the reverb attached, bouncing like excited electrons - starting a studio, getting software, making demos for people, recording, recording -
so much sound, so much wavering promise in that thin, anxious voice mia has - the smallest lilt on the edge of her voice. it's not a musical theatre voice, it's not a big and lusty powerful sort of thing. it's not exhibitionistic, it's not bombastic. quietly meek, and yet filled with an odd determination - i'm not sure what it is, quite yet. approaching it from this critical angle, and finding very little to fault ...
A+, as i might say in real life. or thumbs up, as corey might say.
right now, the song craze continues with the soundtrack to the sweet hereafter - which i made corey watch last night, and sarah polley singing "one more colour" -
here, all we have here is sky / all the sky is is blue / all that blue is is / one more colour
that same sort of porcelain voice, fragile and at the same time ethereally simple, the angels in the daytime that we happen to overlook, beads of snapped pearl necklaces that have rolled into the corners and into mouseholes - flax beams of light, gently woven like a blanket over the dark places.
earlier, a walk with lindsey higgins to the bank in town. blazer-clad and jeans, and sandals, the familiar sound and comfort of walking, something i don't do enough of. but this is gorham, dirty suburbia, where there isn't much to be seen once you've seen it, inside-and-out, it becomes like the skeleton in the nurse's office, boring except for a casual jab with the finger as you pass by to make it swing and clack.
it's weaning into fall now, as easily as a baby from a bottle, and the leaves are dropping like teeth from the gums of the trees, all dotted with purgatorial splashes of colour. the grass slowly begins to assume a more desert-like hue and a creeping destruction sickens over the grassblades.
the first frost has already been anticipated, i assume, by the farmer's almanac, something that plaid-wearing men up Northerly rely on staunchly, and have planned accordingly, tipping the brims of their hats down slightly more snugly, frowning as they wait for the descent of the invisible murder -
Macbeth rehearsals go smoothly. i have come to such a rapport with mike - the director - and we quip at one another like a rapier-wielding duo, combative back and forth light-heartedly, constantly laughing. there is a lot of that silent light in my life lately, an acceptance that i'd been missing before - laughter and shit-eating grins, and playful punches and bruised collarbones. something into place, even through the horrors that slid over my eyes like new discs into Viewfinders, holding me back from the edge of the gaping darkness -
something so resolute, and staunch, that it is an invisible, gratified crutch - something to lean on when i need it, but never need to acknowledge - and i don't even know where it came from. the perilous nature of ever-shifting relationships seems suddenly, somehow, clear, to me, and i feel less constricted than before.
things to look forward to: matrix III. lord of the rings III. the DVD release of Gerry. opening night of Macbeth. in a perverse way, tech week of Macbeth. the decision to buy myself a digital video camera and MAKE MOVIES. the imminent release of a new gus van sant movie: elephant. the benevolent release alcohol grants.
the safety to look back on the first five journal entries i've ever made and stand back, smiling ..
they won't see us waving from such great heights // come down now, they'll say