introibo v6; greyknive

a grey knive lurking on the corner of the bathroom counter, incongruously balanced on the edge - just about to fall - the light of day leaked into the room like dish detergent being squeezed gently out of a bottle, and over in the corner, rats rustled in a paper bag. he walked into the room to the sound of the ceiling fan slowly misunderstood. his left sneaker squeaked slightly. paper in his pocket crumpled up and a blue crayon behind one ear. a muddy cigarette in one hand and no lighter. his eyes are silently stained-glass windows inside a church with no congregation, waiting for the hollow bellpulls - the doorbell of the Almighty. he takes out a sharpie and marks an x on the wall. moments later a fly buzzes fatly in and lands on the ��spot, preening and humming to itself. below, at the baseboard, an ant trundles in. he looks at the mirror. he looks away. outside, a bird hits the window, and all things still, in hushed��mourning. an ignorant cricket looses a selfish mating call and

2003-05-21, 4:09 a.m.

the screamer rendered furiously mute

�� evanesce.

'my writing's become tepid lately. stupid.'

'you quote too much,' peter says. 'it's like you're not even trying.'

'oh. mark does that. that's why.'

'still.'

'yeah. hm. i know.'

'all of my writing used to be so much ... more. when i was angsty and depressed.'

'oh. that must be hard. all of your writing coming from your self-destruction.'

'maybe i'll go back.'

[pause.]

'i was just thinking about how vain average-looking people are .. what do you think it's like to be so attractive that you don't care about vanity?'

'death?'

'hm.'

then i ran outside. and imploded somewhere along the way. the moon's half-empty. i am sitting in the dark, making fists and growling to myself. listening to a dangerous song.

i am the Accidental Traveller. i must have happened into this life by pure chance, and just got too lazy to move. on the road to trying to become more honest, i became more deceitful. on the road to trying to become more of my own person, i became someone else.

no more quotes. or lyrics.

just ... weakling. trying.

prev / next

�SEH