and jonah swallowed the whale, bit by bit
��������� �����an insane active urge, like a seizing in my chest. the song "damaged" by plumb from "brokedown palace" tonight. half-a-movie tonight. staring out the window at the discoloured full moon. some black and white pictures of kate. lighting effects on a black background. a blurry vase of roses in the dark.feeling vain tonight. the blinds are pulled, the fan is whirring feebly, and the light is dim. so i get up and drop down. move around the empty room. jump, roll. my spine cracks like eggshells on the tiled floor. i'm missing people that i knew once-upon-a-time. even though that was only about a year ago. i feel like maybe i never really got to know people. some. but not many. and is that the way it just goes? a little bit of heartburn. hungry, but not.
again, not depressed. neutral. closer to the end of the other scale than the one. low, half light. [half-night, and day - half-light, stolen away, fade, black light, white light, stay ... ]
half light. playing with the turn of the desklamp, illuminating my face halfway on the webcam. opening the blinds, sticking the camera in the face of the moon. zoom in on my little eye. bloodshoot and puke-green. everything is everything tonight, with that vague existentialist meaning tagged onto it like a shoplifting deterrent onto expensive clothing.