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/ november is a month of ghosts

a grey knive lurking on the corner of the bathroom counter, incongruously balanced on the edge - just about to fall - the light of day leaked into the room like dish detergent being squeezed gently out of a bottle, and over in the corner, rats rustled in a paper bag. he walked into the room to the sound of the ceiling fan slowly misunderstood. his left sneaker squeaked slightly. paper in his pocket crumpled up and a blue crayon behind one ear. a muddy cigarette in one hand and no lighter. his eyes are silently stained-glass windows inside a church with no congregation, waiting for the hollow bellpulls - the doorbell of the Almighty. he takes out a sharpie and marks an x on the wall. moments later a fly buzzes fatly in and lands on the ��������������������������������������������spot, preening and humming to itself. below, at the baseboard, an ant trundles in. he looks at the mirror. he looks away. outside, a bird hits the window, and all things still, in hushed������������������������������������������mourning. an ignorant cricket looses a selfish mating call and
2003-05-17, 1:38 p.m.

squinted eyes

��������� �����nate unlocked his journal today. older entries surfaced. perhaps it's that i haven't slept enough lately, or just that a sentence referring to my journal (actually, this one, not wayless) struck me.

dramatic attention-getter. one year later. march 31st. a rather .. telling day in the chronology of my life. the september 11th of my life? i refer to it as "it" and "when you know what" and "he" and .. that's all. strange. maybe it's that i'm exhausted and my eyes are burning. dramatic attention getter. bothersome. makes me think of dark roads, and twisting eyes. doubt, deceit, and the knife hidden in your hand behind a smile.

can't help myself but to sink into the old familiar melodrama. pain behind my temple right now. vague, cloaked in metaphor, rather than direct, obvious complaints against fate and god knows what else. unlocking some distant fear with concrete evidence. a month or so ago, but still.

enough. fists clenched.

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�SEH