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/ november is a month of ghosts

a grey knive lurking on the corner of the bathroom counter, incongruously balanced on the edge - just about to fall - the light of day leaked into the room like dish detergent being squeezed gently out of a bottle, and over in the corner, rats rustled in a paper bag. he walked into the room to the sound of the ceiling fan slowly misunderstood. his left sneaker squeaked slightly. paper in his pocket crumpled up and a blue crayon behind one ear. a muddy cigarette in one hand and no lighter. his eyes are silently stained-glass windows inside a church with no congregation, waiting for the hollow bellpulls - the doorbell of the Almighty. he takes out a sharpie and marks an x on the wall. moments later a fly buzzes fatly in and lands on the ��������������������������������������������spot, preening and humming to itself. below, at the baseboard, an ant trundles in. he looks at the mirror. he looks away. outside, a bird hits the window, and all things still, in hushed������������������������������������������mourning. an ignorant cricket looses a selfish mating call and
2003-05-16, 2:54 a.m.

you'll see, i'll be amazing

��������� �����realizations tonight. to the tune of jason mraz and "too much food" - [shut up or get shot down, it's all about the knowhow, it's all just a matter of taste, stop telling me the way that i gotta play, you put too much food on my plate, c'mon!]

i think it's perfect for tonight. long dissertations under an unseen lunar eclipse with peter about the nature of friendship. cutting apart my feelings and my thoughts. realizing that i'm not as messed up as i used to be, in this room of anderson hall. a sort of euphoric awakening, in a way. these have been happening a lot lately - little epiphanies after deluges of angst and horror.

all i have to say tonight, really.

feel as though i'm unfolding into a newer dimension of awareness. i figure that i might, after all, make it, when before i never thought i would.



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�SEH