i will evolve past this
��������� �����i'm listening. really, i am.to evanescence, my immortal. i'm so tired of being here, suppressed by all my childish fears - and if you have to leave, i wish that you would just leave, because your presence still lingers here, and it won't leave me alone
speaking to my obsession. i label it, with names. david, nate, mark. i label it X it out savagely in red paint, splashed, slashed, exclaimed as loudly as i possibly can, standing on a cliff at the edge of the world, suddenly the camera spins around me and i am exorcised. but it's like a tapeworm, it's always regenerating, scarily, stealthily -
(when i was little i used to think God punished you for doing bad things by making you sad the next day)
thoughts inseminate themselves into my head, swirling around in the vast mix of paint - there's just too much that time cannot erase - that hot feeling behind your eyes. like the sun has migrated there, committed mitosis, and resides in your skull, playing sad violin songs on your optic nerve. i tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone, but though you're still with me, i've been alone, i'm alone
her voice is so pure. so pure, so incredibly vibrato-free, so beautiful. one note extends, extends, pulls out like warm, luscious taffy. but it's not warm. it's cold, and pointed, the timbre to the note is like glass, like when you ping glass with your fingernail and it emits a startled sound - cold glass. but the lyrics can be so hackneyed. the piano and strings resonate, and create a symbiosis of sound.
went to bruce fithian's recital studio today. so many good voices. the tone, the timbre, is what matters to me - oh please make the vibrato stop. it's ridiculous. give me that one pure note, that resonating beauty -
i digress. my intent. if i am blisteringly honest, so honest that it feels like fire is rushing through me and my skin is all pared away and my bones are exposed, and my head is bowed under the scourges of scrutiny, i can be okay with that.
on shuffle. suddenly. radiohead, everything in its right place.
everything
everything
everything
in its right place ...