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a grey knive lurking on the corner of the bathroom counter, incongruously balanced on the edge - just about to fall - the light of day leaked into the room like dish detergent being squeezed gently out of a bottle, and over in the corner, rats rustled in a paper bag. he walked into the room to the sound of the ceiling fan slowly misunderstood. his left sneaker squeaked slightly. paper in his pocket crumpled up and a blue crayon behind one ear. a muddy cigarette in one hand and no lighter. his eyes are silently stained-glass windows inside a church with no congregation, waiting for the hollow bellpulls - the doorbell of the Almighty. he takes out a sharpie and marks an x on the wall. moments later a fly buzzes fatly in and lands on the ��������������������������������������������spot, preening and humming to itself. below, at the baseboard, an ant trundles in. he looks at the mirror. he looks away. outside, a bird hits the window, and all things still, in hushed������������������������������������������mourning. an ignorant cricket looses a selfish mating call and

2003-03-21, 1:05 a.m.

go fly over a building, superman

��������� �����i'm very tired of being able to read the entirety of president bush's addresses to the nation, but only seeing small snippets of saddam hussein's.

it's rather bothersome. dammit, i want to know what he said besides "...little, evil Bush..." and how much it was taken out of context, and how badly translated, et cetera.

it also rather bothers me that people are "suddenly waking up" and realising they're "not the only ones" in the world, that today bombs are being dropped and they're in their cushy little lives - it takes them this to wake up? this goes on every day! people die every day! i'm tired of the liberal left, i'm tired of people zipping themselves up in bodybags in memorial square in portland, i'm tired of hearing of the protests, of jonnynoise in the caf saying "i'm just waiting for the world to end," tired of the pontificating and proselytising of those who have no idea what they're talking about, sick and disgusted at the green infrared imaging on the msn homepage, (how much it looks like a city any city, lights and roads and trees) but nestled now in between the tigris & euphrates .. cradle of life, cradle of death?

i'm tired of the fakery. i think i've only met one real person who i actually believed was firmly against the war, and even then, they agreed with me that there was really no other alternative.

i'm not about to fly over iraq and drop seeds on it so we can start a new rainforest there, but i'm also not about to drop the a-bomb on hussein's head. i just very much dislike the idea of pre-emptive strike, i very much dislike that this is a War Without the UN - or most of it. could this be the end of the UN? why is our biggest ally (besides the UK) spain? what the hell is spain?

i am nineteen and i am sitting here listening to eminem, drinking mountain dew, worrying about whether my insomnia will allow me to get up in the morning for work, worrying about petty little issues. a cloudy, rainy pall is cast over the area. my mouth is closed.

i write on the whiteboard on our door. "Tired of the faux-liberal left AND the war-mongering right? Join our club! The Apathetics!"

i return home to find the A erased. The "Pathetics". how incredibly witty.

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�SEH