backstage, the war begins first
��������� �����it starts out with me in erin's car driving very recklessly chasing stewie in his wheelchair. and i'm using the turbo, too, but we're driving backwards. it's me casey jason and mark. because i crashed my car already and amy is there too.we come back to the dorms and it was something about having to buy tickets to cabaret without erin noticing - it's monday before the opening night of cabaret but then suddenly IS cabaret, and jill is dying in a hospital, literally, there's a skeleton holding her hand as part of her IV drip and the show is going on anyway, but no one can find kristin messana so the show is going to happen without a stage manager...
for some reason i am in the backstage areas of cabaret - all the girls are in pink dresses and rosie is singing and it's a mess, but it's meant to be a mess - i'm in a black suit and tie with long tails - like an actor but just as backdrop. standing up high watching jeff labarge sitting on a chair on a mess of boxes and such, and almost falling - one box labelled "forest ave" falls and amy yells - "hold!" the performance stops for a moment. "that's enough product placement, i'm tired of the in-jokes!" and the audience laughs and it's all part of the play and it continues. meanwhile i'm slinking around the areas of the backstage. suddenly i come upon two older women in the sides, where there's a mess of stuff. i am grabbing for a pair of very black boots, knowing i'm supposed to be wearing them, my nose begins to bleed. i have the boots and run. graham is about to make an entrance in the same clothes as i am. people are prowling around backstage. graham hugs me and tells me it's going to be all right. i go further. run right into anthony, who says "hey, what's going on, i haven't seen you in awhile" but he's in character, so it's a german accent, and he's a nazi ... and then he's not and i'm trying to explain to him how bad the show is, but he gets upset and wanders away, fades into the dark. so i continue. ashley emerson is by a cabinet door and i open it - it has old glasses on the inside, rows of them, each one labelled with p8 members names on them. and on the inside of the door, too. ashley says something and i reply and she says "your 'interested' tone is kind of desperate are you ok" and i nod my head and run away through the warrens of the backstage ... everyone is onstage dancing now and i'm in the back. suddenly.
i'm a little boy with glasses like the boy in "dancer in the dark" and i'm in the basement of an old house in germany and there's this older boy with freckles whose name is something something -gardner, or something, and he's torturing me, making fun of me that the "cloud" is coming, and i write down on the back of "tremolo" (a book) that "germany after the war is like my grandmother's basement" because of all the shit there ... -gardener keeps trying to kill me, with various stuff, and then he just jumps at me and we're backstage at cabaret again and mark is there watching me get massacred by this kid who's wearing all black and spitting german at me, and onstage rosie (who plays sally bowles) is singing "what if the world .. slandered my name" and there's something about blood as a prop having gone wrong and i'm bleeding from the nose again.
then abruptly i'm back in that scene from germany and the house is stucco, lined around with pine trees and my granny is trying to get me and my sister into the car when i turn to look and suddenly the dark cloud exhales over the trees and we pass out all of us but then get up and get into the car holding our breaths bit by bit and driving ... to the center of germany and i see the cloud continuing and dissipating right where a huge statue of a mounted horseman is -
the phone rings, i wake up.